Jackass O'Lantern

Mae's Mazes 
7:04pm, outfit

This was a bad idea.

He knew it was a bad idea.

He was dressing this bad idea orange and pretending it was a pumpkin since he was in a pumpkin patch.

But really, deep down, he was sniffing for vampires. And not even with the desire to fuck one up, despite the closeness of the full moon. He just wanted to be, like.

Hey, vampire. Please don't kill any of my friends. We're just trying to make it through this garbage like you are, minus the part where we kill people for food. (Usually.)

Under a bright night sky, he lingered at the edge of the pumpkin patch, intending genuinely to buy a pumpkin, but also just...

Sniffing. For dead people.


Etta wasn't a dead people, but she was in the pumpkin patch searching for the roundest, orangest pumpkin when she caught a whiff of something nearly familiar. Her cat inside of her seemed to push her towards a man, wanting to get a good look at him. She thought about how he looked preoccupied with something- perhaps a pumpkin decision- but decided to talk to him anyway.

"Hey," she said quietly as she came up next to the man, practically purring over him already. Not that she was interested in him, but she longed for fellow feline connections.

Sniffsniff. Just musty pumpkins, wet earth. Someone'd body odor. Zero corpses. Why Abraham assumed they'd just appear at his command was beyond him, but he was committed.

At least until the cat started making noises. Important sniffs. Pay attention. Something's nearby. Something feline and... uh, female, he realized, as he looked to her and her greeting and his eyebrows rose. The cat wanted touch, promptly, but Abraham vetoed that one real hard.

"Uh, hi," he said, sheepish, wondering if maybe he'd helped her at work at some point and forgot? Abraham was shit for faces, and her vibrant clothing wasn't ringing any bells.

Surely the man was also feeling the same things she was. She wanted to get closer and she did, but she didn't dare move any more. She couldn't very well just grab the man and hold him to her. Well, she could, but it wouldn't be very polite. The man didn't seem to be too much for words, but she didn't hold it against him since she, too, had barely said anything.

"So, you're a kitty?" she whispered, small smile gracing her features. "I've never met another in person before, so it's nice to meet you. What's your name, darling? I'm Etta." She held out her hand for him to shake.

Uhhhh this was progressing to a conversation quickly. Abraham felt a little, like.

Well. The last person to call him a "kitty" like this was Lexus, and she was fucking insane. This chick talked in a funny kind of way, too, though not the over the top sultry bullshit of his sire. Still, "darling" was enough to make someone like Abraham feel like he was at risk for a heart attack. He smiled still, but his nerves were there.

Focus, Abraham. You're not afraid of women. You have an entire girlfriend now that lives where you live.

"Uh, Abraham," he said, an answer repeated often enough that there was some chance "uh" was part of his legal name. He offered out his hand for a quick gesture, and the cat made all variety of rude fucking sounds in his head. Stop.

He took a quick glance around, making sure they weren't be listened to. Just about everyone seemed engrossed in pumpkins.

"You've really never met another... uh, like us?"

"Abraham," she repeated with a kind smile. "It is a pleasure to meet you." He stole a glance around the pumpkin field and Etta joined him in searching, though she wasn't quite sure what exactly he was looking for. Or at. Maybe help. "I'm sorry if I've come off strong, darling,"she said, shifting every so slightly on her feet. "I'm just new in town and it really is quite a treat to meet someone like you."

She nodded as he asked his own question. "Well, besides the one who turned me. In Montana, there was a wolverine I knew. His name was Logan, and he used to say that he was destined to become a wolverine. Never really understood why he thought that." She gave a shrug and focused back on Abraham. "But there were no other cats. I can tell you're not a cheetah. May I ask what kind your kitty is?"

Abraham didn't know why he was feeling kind of flustered?! Maybe it was the way she talked. And she was pretty! And... like. A lot closer to his age than most people who talked to him in this particular way? Which wasn't many people. Not that she was talking to him in a particular way he just.

"You don't, uh, you don't have to apologize," he said, running a hand through his gray old man hair. Stop. Don't self deprecate. Text Asha a compliment instead.

Except texting her a compliment while he felt this variety of flustered would probably be real bad?!

ALSO. LOGAN. THE WOLVERINE. (Side note, what exactly was a wolverine? Was it like a... something like a wolf but... with bigger claws?)

"Jaguar," he said, deciding to skip over the X-Men entirely. "There's actually, uh. A real nice group of cheetahs around here I could introduce you to."

Not that he was chasing her off right now! Or something!

start cameo

Asha was working at home.

Asha felt a sudden spike of rowdy and attracted. Abraham was probably buying her lingerie again for some reason, or maybe he was checking out some of their old sexts. She was not complaining.

Time to take a break from work for some self care.

end cameo


Etta nodded and smiled once more when Abraham told her not to apologize. She supposed he was shy, and she ran across a lot of people like that in her job. Normally she wasn't so forward with them about their secret abilities- since her middle schools students didn't have any- but she at least understood where he was coming from.

He mentioned that he was a jaguar and she beamed at the man. "Oh, like the expensive, pretty cars?" It was just a joke, and she giggled at it despite herself. But she leaned in closer when the man mentioned that there was a group of cheetahs. "Are there really, darling?" she asked, nearly in disbelief. "I would honestly love if you could do that." She could feel herself getting somewhat emotional; both her and her cat. "I've never met another cheetah. Do you know other cats like you?"

Abraham was not expensive or pretty. His cat did cost a lot of money in terms of damages and food. Asha would probably think it was pretty?

"He's pretty expensive alright," he managed witlessly, smiling.

She got closer and his cat wanted some kind of bullying fight and Abraham just still felt a little nervous. Maybe it was the darling. Were his cheeks a little red?

"They have a whole, um, coalition it's called. Of cheetahs. And there's a group of, uh, jags forming. Both in the Belle Vista area, actually."

Not that that meant anything!!

Awww. He was cute, but Etta assumed someone had already snatched him up. That's just how life went and why Etta didn't tend to bother with men anyway. She smiled sweetly at him all the same since he was being awfully cute.

It was interesting that two groups were forming in the same area, but honestly, Etta had such little knowledge of groups that she thought maybe it was just something that happened in densely populated were areas. "Oh really? Well that sounds fantastic, darling. I'm glad to hear that the cat groups are sticking together anyway. Belle Vista you said? That's not very far from here, is it?" She was sure she passed signs mentioning Belle Vista on her way over from Crestview.

Darling. Was that a normal thing? Was that what was making him sweat? She also had this, like. Old timey way about her voice. Like maybe they were standing in a speakeasy.

A distant child's excited yowl reminded him this was a pumpkin patch.

"Yeah, it's real close. If you want I can, um, get you in contact with Yana? She's the... queen. I'd just need to text her first real quick."


"You're so helpful, Abraham!" Etta said with a smiley laugh. She was definitely glad she'd run into him, since he was giving her all sorts of good information and was offering to do things for her to help her out. "I think it's a splendid idea to contact Queen Yana, darling. I'd love to be able to talk to her and meet her. If she's not busy, I may just head on over to Belle Vista once I get a pumpkin here."

She patted his shoulder to show how appreciative she was of his help and waited while he contacted Yana. She was still interested in the two groups being together in Belle Vista though, and a sudden thought came across her: "So, are you going to be King of the Jaguars when that gets started, darling?"

Abraham was so helpful! Way to go, Abraham! He was pretty sure his back was sweaty.

"Here, I can text her real quick," he said, reaching for his phone and fumbling out a few messages to Yana. "As soon as I hear back, I can give you her number and she can- and you both can talk."

And he wouldn't have to get Etta's number and feel weirdly bad about that! Not bad just weird?!

Then came something that made him want to retract into his... torso. Like a clothed turtle.

"Technically, eventually," he said, running a slightly sweaty hand through slightly sweaty hair. "But. It's, uh, Asha- my girlfriend. She's kinda the one who's in charge. I just... uh, play mean old grumpy cat I guess."

Etta continued to smile as she watched the man send out a few texts and tell her that she'd be able to talk to a Cheetah Queen soon. "I really do appreciate your help, darling," she said gently, pulling out her own phone so she could get the other woman's number if it was okay'd by her.

Abraham mentioned his girlfriend, and Etta nodded. She had definitely called that. He mentioned that she'd be the one in charge, and she gave a quiet chuckle, understanding that some women were just better leaders. But then he said something that made her frown. "Abraham, darling, you're doing a pretty poor job of being a grumpy, old cat."

She stepped just a little closer to study his face. "No, I don't see a grump nor do I see old."

"Of course," he said of her thanks. Of course! He'd do this for anyone! Abraham was a real nice guy!!

But then came the consequence for calling himself grumpy and old, and Etta seemed to have a similar response to Asha. And she got closer to him. The jaguar roo'd in alarm and if Abraham had been any newer to this, he would have gone green eyed.

Abraham wanted to puke on his shoes but maybe in a nice way. If you could do that nicely.

"It's, uh-"

What did you even say to that? Thank you?!

"Thanks," he decided on just as his phone buzzed. He pulled it out and stared at it in refuge. "Oh! Yana's- she's cool to talk, here's, uh, her number-"

He fumbled to pull up her contact and offered over his phone.

Etta smiled as he thanked her. He was definitely the shy type, but at least he'd been willing to talk to her and help her. Just then, his phone buzzed, signaling that Yana had responded. She beamed when he told her that Yana wanted to talk to her, and quickly pulled up her own phone to put in the cheetah queen's number. She took the phone as it was offered and quickly put in the number and held the man's phone back out to him.

"Thank you so much, darling. You're really quite a doll." She smiled happily at him and looked back at her phone, excited to be able to meet Yana and spend time with more cheetahs. She looked back to the man though and felt a fuzzy warmth for him. "Abraham," she started again. "I am new in the area, and you've been so kind to me, darling. Do you think we could exchange numbers? I could certainly use a fellow kitty friend."

It felt like Asha was in his head making everything more warm and intense and nerve-wracking.

Breathe, idiot. You're too old for this kind of theatrical shit. This woman was just friendly and pretty and like, actually near your age and that was all so nice but you don't need to freak out.

The jaguar grumbled irritatedly within him, offering a visual reminder of a different cat who would probably ask him about these feelings later.

"That'd be great," he breathed, regaining himself a little. "It's good to have friends like... you know. Similar."

Still bad at words, though. Abraham tried not to compare the kitty comment to Lexus.

He held out his phone again, this time with a new contact record.

"I bet you'll really like Belle Vista. And the- the other cats. They're good people."

Etta waited as the kitty man seemed to need a few moments to gather his thoughts. When he said that it was a great idea, Etta smiled once more. She quickly tapped open the new contact screen on her phone and held her phone out to him while she took his. "Oh, I agree, darling. Logan was nice, but wolverines and cheetahs are just vastly different animals."

She finished entering in her information and handed the man back his phone. "Well, I think I'll get in contact with Yana, so I can leave you be to pick out a pumpkin in peace. Seriously though, Abraham, I can't thank you enough, darling. You and your girlfriend, Asha- right? You both will have to come over for dinner sometime. I have a wonderful brisket recipe that lots of people enjoy."

Darling darling darling darling darling darling darling and she talked like out of an old timey movie?! He should have hated it. But. Here he was, not hating it.

"Yeah, Asha," he said. "And... uh, you're welcome. I'll- we're both down for brisket, like. Any time."

Was Asha going to be mad at him about this ahhHHHHH-

"It was nice meeting you. I'll see you around?"

Just go stick your head in a pumpkin, Abraham.

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