Don't Act Surprised if I Disappoint

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#1
An hour or so following this thread.


 Rika was going to be disappointed in her. It was a stupid reason to hesitate, it wasn't like the woman had some all encompassing sway in her life, but after twenty plus years of feverish focus on meeting expectations - it still stung to imagine letting her only real friend down. Rika was going to be disappointed, and so it was imperative that she hide everything from her.

 She'd parked down the street from the house on the side of the road, left the engine on but turned off her headlights as she tapped her phone to life and stared down a blank email. She had chills, all along her spine and especially between her shoulders ached when she moved. Stupid. It was fucking stupid. But if sending an email every now and then and nothing else would be enough to take the edge off, then that's what she'd do.

From: n.kilpatrick@gmail.com
Subject: No Subject

I read your email.

I don't forgive you, nor do I accept or appreciate your bullshit about your family making you fucking awful.

It's half nature, half nurture - which I'm sure you know because on a list of all the loathsome things you are, uneducated isn't once among them.

Were you chased out or did you volunteer to leave?


  She didn't sign it, because she wasn't entirely sure how to sign an email to someone like him. Instead, she pressed send and listened to the quiet as she mentally rallied herself to go home.
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#2
 He waited two nights to reply.

From: s.seville@gmail.com

I left.

I felt like I was doing too much damage in Mountainside and that I was a burden to you and would be a burden to anyone else I associated with.

My apologies again for how difficult I made your life these last few months. Hopefully, my absence will make things easier.

Best,
Spencer

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#3
 It had been days, hours of time in which she had settled in a new pocket of outrage. Enough time that she wasn't sure if she was getting better or worse, moments of clarity and stints of time where she couldn't find it in herself to even get through the mundane errands she needed to get done.

Annoyingly, it only took a few hours for her to respond.

From: n.kilpatrick@gmail.com

How do I fix what you fucking did to me?

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#4
From: s.seville@gmail.com

I don't know. I'm sorry. Is there something you'd like me to do to make things easier for you?

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#5
From: n.kilpatrick@gmail.com

If you up and died for a second time, do you think it would stop?
Because I would consider that the ultimate favor.

Otherwise, you should pay me at the point - I've left work early twice this week.

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#6
 He took another night to process what she meant. If he'd removed himself from her life, there was nothing else to be loyal to, nothing else to crave. Wasn't that how it worked? He didn't know, honestly.

From: s.seville@gmail.com

I broke my lease and I'm in between jobs at the moment, but I'd be happy to send what I can. Let me know what amount would be sufficient and I will do my best to make it work.

 His non-response to her other request didn't mean it hadn't been thought about. It probably would be better that way, but he was too much of a coward to do that himself. The idea of surviving at all costs too ingrained for a stroll in the sun.
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#7
From: n.kilpatrick@gmail.com

I make fifteen an hour, I've missed seven hours of work.

Make it work - you don't have to buy food.

She made 12.75, he didn't need to know that. She kept her phone on her, hid it as best she could and kept the ringer low.
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#8
From: s.seville@gmail.com

Where should I send the money?

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#9
From: n.kilpatrick@gmail.com

My email is linked to my PayPal, just send it through.

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#10
From: s.seville@gmail.com

Sent.

Let me know if there's anything else you need.

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#11
From: n.kilpatrick@gmail.com

What caused the sudden change of heart?

She checked to make sure the money was at least pending before she asked.
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#12
From: s.seville@gmail.com

The sudden change of heart about what? You? I could ask you the same question.

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#13
From: n.kilpatrick@gmail.com

Nothing was sudden about this. I took my phone battery out, I made it days. I don't know if that's because you were still in the general area or just good luck.

I never once said I was happy to stay, Spencer. But you forced my hand either way.

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#14
From: s.seville@gmail.com

It was a change of heart I didn't want to make -- at least in the sense of leaving you.

I did not hate our time together, but you've made it very clear that you did. I can't help what you're going through. If talking to me helps then I'm happy to keep up this conversation. If you'd like to try distance, than don't reply.

I won't be coming back. I promise you do not have to worry about me forcing your hand anymore.

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#15
From: n.kilpatrick@gmail.com

This works just fine, trust me, I'm not fucking asking you to come back. I'll message you if I need to.

Annoyed even at the final decision that it did, in fact, take the edge off the worst of it. Made the bad days at least vaguely tolerable.
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